So much for the contentment thing...and a well deserved blow to my pride!

I was basking in the kind comments of some friends about my (ahem) content state when I caught myself wishing.

So, what's wrong with that?

A dear older woman once told me, "Don't wish away one moment of your children's lives...you can't get them back". Spoken like someone in a life stage that's a healthy distance from her season of trying to get a baby to sleep.

Seriously, this poor kid has refux and sometimes seems incapable of calming himself. He literally can make himself ill if left to his own devices.

So, we wrap him up tight, soothe and whisper to him....

Sometimes it works, after all, I'm pretty sure he knows he needs to rest as much as I know he needs to rest. But that doesn't stop him from kicking against his swaddling, fighting, screaming, and crying until he collapses into a sweet, sweaty, and peaceful little heap.

Sounds familiar.

I'm really good at kicking agianst my boundaries. At wishing that they were different. Even though they are placed there for my good. Even though they have "fallen from me in plesant places". Even though they are placed there by One who knows the plans He has for me. Even though He watches bemusedly as I kick and scream, whispering, "Shhh...I love you. Rest. "

Rest is a tough nut for a type-A like me. Ironic that something like resting can be a discipline, but it is. And for tonight, my discipline of rest was taking the time out to rock not only my fussy baby, but my fussy inner child. Amazing, when I give in and collapse in a heap, how delicious, how refreshing the peace that passes understanding is.

Thank goodness God is loving and patient...I doubt I'm as cute at thirty (cough) something as my son is as an infant.

Even I couldn't wish for any better.