Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Warning: Vitriol Ahead. Proceed at Your Own Risk
My normal practice is to heavily censor myself on this blog. In that spirit, this post may disappear later today as I think better of it.
My sister called me the other day bubbling over about a family wedding she attended in Ohio this weekend. Originally, I had wanted to make this wedding with my family, but a few things kept us from going:
1. It was the day after my daughter's birthday, and I wanted her to be able to celebrate with friends.
2.It was one of our more soccer-intensive weekends (ha! They're actually all soccer intensive, but competitive teams mean higher levels of commitment).
3. I crunched the numbers. Plane fare for 6 to Cincinnati, rental car, hotel for a few days (no one offered to put all of us up, wonder why??), food, fall dress clothes for the wedding....we were looking at well over $3000 for a long weekend. That is just NOT happening with our finances right now, especially with the Phoenix real estate market still being so awful (read: we have multiple mortgages right now).
Anyway, the gist of the wedding wrap up had to do with how many people asked about me, how "everyone" just "wanted to see me and know I was okay", how "everyone wanted to hug my neck", and how I should probably get on the stick and write a Thanksgiving or very early Christmas letter to let "everyone" know I was still alive and kicking.
All I could think was, I am SO glad that I didn't go to this wedding.
1. I am the oldest of 14 cousins. Of said cousins (plus aunts and uncles), ONE cousin wrote me a note during my treatment, and one cousin's wife consistently sent letters/cards of encouragement. One aunt and uncle chose to acknowledge what was going on and help us. Honestly, "thinking about" someone going through something so massive really doesn't cut it.
2. This day was about the BRIDE, not about Heather. I can do without that kind of attention, as I'm barely getting beyond my own healthy dose of denial and processing what has happened to me in the past year and how close I came to dying on several occasions.
3. Every day past the end of chemo I realize something that has returned--I can sing again (I was too weak for my voice to carry before), my real laugh and smile is back, I ran the other day. Now is my season to celebrate, not rehash, so I'm pretty darn picky about who I talk about my cancer with these days. If you weren't "there" going through it with me, it's probably not you right now, sorry.
So my point (and I do have one) is this. No one ever felt better at a funeral because they spent time "thinking about" or (sorry Brothers and Sisters in Christ) "praying for" someone.
Actions speak. Not words.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month (It should just be Cancer Awareness Month, but that's another rant for another day).
Be aware.
Is someone you care about going through something? Don't wait to be invited...look for the opening and take it.
Make the call.
Visit the hospital.
Deliver the meal.
Write the card, note or email.
Honor them with a donation--The Komen Races are this month and Race for the Cure is coming up as well. (You can support me on my one-year anniversary of diagnosis here).
Finally, a thousand thank yous to those of you who did chose to be there. You know who you are, and you are precious to me.
My sister called me the other day bubbling over about a family wedding she attended in Ohio this weekend. Originally, I had wanted to make this wedding with my family, but a few things kept us from going:
1. It was the day after my daughter's birthday, and I wanted her to be able to celebrate with friends.
2.It was one of our more soccer-intensive weekends (ha! They're actually all soccer intensive, but competitive teams mean higher levels of commitment).
3. I crunched the numbers. Plane fare for 6 to Cincinnati, rental car, hotel for a few days (no one offered to put all of us up, wonder why??), food, fall dress clothes for the wedding....we were looking at well over $3000 for a long weekend. That is just NOT happening with our finances right now, especially with the Phoenix real estate market still being so awful (read: we have multiple mortgages right now).
Anyway, the gist of the wedding wrap up had to do with how many people asked about me, how "everyone" just "wanted to see me and know I was okay", how "everyone wanted to hug my neck", and how I should probably get on the stick and write a Thanksgiving or very early Christmas letter to let "everyone" know I was still alive and kicking.
All I could think was, I am SO glad that I didn't go to this wedding.
1. I am the oldest of 14 cousins. Of said cousins (plus aunts and uncles), ONE cousin wrote me a note during my treatment, and one cousin's wife consistently sent letters/cards of encouragement. One aunt and uncle chose to acknowledge what was going on and help us. Honestly, "thinking about" someone going through something so massive really doesn't cut it.
2. This day was about the BRIDE, not about Heather. I can do without that kind of attention, as I'm barely getting beyond my own healthy dose of denial and processing what has happened to me in the past year and how close I came to dying on several occasions.
3. Every day past the end of chemo I realize something that has returned--I can sing again (I was too weak for my voice to carry before), my real laugh and smile is back, I ran the other day. Now is my season to celebrate, not rehash, so I'm pretty darn picky about who I talk about my cancer with these days. If you weren't "there" going through it with me, it's probably not you right now, sorry.
So my point (and I do have one) is this. No one ever felt better at a funeral because they spent time "thinking about" or (sorry Brothers and Sisters in Christ) "praying for" someone.
Actions speak. Not words.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month (It should just be Cancer Awareness Month, but that's another rant for another day).
Be aware.
Is someone you care about going through something? Don't wait to be invited...look for the opening and take it.
Make the call.
Visit the hospital.
Deliver the meal.
Write the card, note or email.
Honor them with a donation--The Komen Races are this month and Race for the Cure is coming up as well. (You can support me on my one-year anniversary of diagnosis here).
Finally, a thousand thank yous to those of you who did chose to be there. You know who you are, and you are precious to me.
Name:
2 Comments:
Amen and High Five! As someone who is going through "treatment" and also suffers from an "orphan cancer" I can tell you that you hit the nail on the head....
in so very many ways...
I dread going to weddings and bridal showers because of everything that you mentioned :)
chin up grasshopper, you are not alone
-H
I SO wish I could have been there, really there, not on the phone there, not in the rare (I know I have pen adversion disease because my brain goes faster than that damn pen) written out card...but there, holding your hand, cleaning up the puke there. I am SO sorry that I couldn't be because I love you more than words my friend and I hope you know that...I know you know that...I really really miss you!!!
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