Monday, February 02, 2009
A few Cancer Rants for a Rainy Monday
Rant #1:
Most of the time I'm too busy actually living my life to remember that I'm a "medical miracle". Every once in a while I have occasion (besides check ups, of course!) to be reminded just how "lucky" I am to be here.
This latest occasion was at the neighborhood urgent care center where I landed early Sunday morning with some nasty urinary tract symptoms (never a good thing when one possesses only one kidney) and an even nastier reaction to a drug that I've taken literally dozens of times to manage said symptoms.
The sweet doctor wasn't just content to take my medical history. He had to analyze it and ask lots of unrelated questions about how I discovered the sarcoma, where/why/how/who treated the sarcoma, and tell me how unusual my cancer was. I get it. I'm a medical junkie myself. I totally see how fascinating my "case" is and why residents and interns have literally salivated over my case (very cool in a Grey's Anatomy way, right?).
What I don't get is this. EVERY practitioner, without fail (this one included) felt the need to find a reason I got cancer.
Smoker? No
Drinker? Rarely
Exercise? Yes
Healthy eater? 90% of the time
Chemical exposure? No
Family History? Nothing even close to my case, thanks.
Every time someone tries to figure out the why, the ninth chapter of John comes to mind.
1As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. 2And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" 3Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.
That the works of God might be displayed in me.
That's the why for every circumstance of my life.
When you consider this, and the fact that all any of us "deserve" is death, then it becomes easier to let go of the misconception that hardships are punishments and material blessings are some sort of cosmic gold star for "good" behavior.
Rant #2:
Someone recently said offhandedly that I'd been through the "hell of cancer".
While I appreciate the fact that this person recognized just how hideous my treatment was, the phrase continues to eat at me.
Correct me if my theology is off (and Keith, I know you will) but to me, hell is eternal separation from God.
While there were definitely times when I felt like God might be standing afar, or even asleep during my trials, I knew (and continue to know) that he was there the entire time, cradling me when I was too weak to function.
To be eternally lost to that love, comfort and care...to truly be alone in the struggle...to not know that there was a significant reason (see above) for all it? That, my friends, is hell. Cancer is just a bump in the road.
Not a rant, but still nice for a rather Maudlin Monday :-):
I recently ran into a friend who was on his way to sing for a funeral. We looked at the songs chosen and I began to remember some of the things I had wanted during some of my nastier health crises.
This hymn is one of my all time favorites.
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
--Katharina von Schlegel
Most of the time I'm too busy actually living my life to remember that I'm a "medical miracle". Every once in a while I have occasion (besides check ups, of course!) to be reminded just how "lucky" I am to be here.
This latest occasion was at the neighborhood urgent care center where I landed early Sunday morning with some nasty urinary tract symptoms (never a good thing when one possesses only one kidney) and an even nastier reaction to a drug that I've taken literally dozens of times to manage said symptoms.
The sweet doctor wasn't just content to take my medical history. He had to analyze it and ask lots of unrelated questions about how I discovered the sarcoma, where/why/how/who treated the sarcoma, and tell me how unusual my cancer was. I get it. I'm a medical junkie myself. I totally see how fascinating my "case" is and why residents and interns have literally salivated over my case (very cool in a Grey's Anatomy way, right?).
What I don't get is this. EVERY practitioner, without fail (this one included) felt the need to find a reason I got cancer.
Smoker? No
Drinker? Rarely
Exercise? Yes
Healthy eater? 90% of the time
Chemical exposure? No
Family History? Nothing even close to my case, thanks.
Every time someone tries to figure out the why, the ninth chapter of John comes to mind.
1As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. 2And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" 3Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.
That the works of God might be displayed in me.
That's the why for every circumstance of my life.
When you consider this, and the fact that all any of us "deserve" is death, then it becomes easier to let go of the misconception that hardships are punishments and material blessings are some sort of cosmic gold star for "good" behavior.
Rant #2:
Someone recently said offhandedly that I'd been through the "hell of cancer".
While I appreciate the fact that this person recognized just how hideous my treatment was, the phrase continues to eat at me.
Correct me if my theology is off (and Keith, I know you will) but to me, hell is eternal separation from God.
While there were definitely times when I felt like God might be standing afar, or even asleep during my trials, I knew (and continue to know) that he was there the entire time, cradling me when I was too weak to function.
To be eternally lost to that love, comfort and care...to truly be alone in the struggle...to not know that there was a significant reason (see above) for all it? That, my friends, is hell. Cancer is just a bump in the road.
Not a rant, but still nice for a rather Maudlin Monday :-):
I recently ran into a friend who was on his way to sing for a funeral. We looked at the songs chosen and I began to remember some of the things I had wanted during some of my nastier health crises.
This hymn is one of my all time favorites.
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
--Katharina von Schlegel
Name:
6 Comments:
Well said, my friend, well said. I hope the doctor was able to treat your CURRENT issue, without trying to figure out a way to publish an article about you in the process. Are you feeling better?
Thanks for posting the lyrics for "Be Still My Soul"; I know the tune well, but need to commit more of the lyrics to memory. They're great!
I can relate to the Dr's trying to find the "reason". That's something I struggle with all the time. Thank you for the reminder that these things happen so that the works of God might be displayed in me.
Vs. 2 of that hymn is my all time favorite stanza of any song. I really appreciated this post. Good words.
Your theology is absolutely right (no surprise there)!
During your latest radio interview on Every Square Inch, we talked about the fact that the medical professionals all want to find the "cause." You gravitate to John 9 for an explanation; I gravitate toward a different one: the docs are scientifically-wired and almost all are trained in state universities, which often means "humanist, evolutionist, mechanistic" (specifically, Anthropic Mechanism: the theory that "everything about human beings can be completely explained in mechanical terms" [from Wikipedia]. . that we are nothing more than bio-chemical machines.)
I like your explanation better - thanks for pointing us back to Scripture to see God's hand and His heart for all our circumstances: that "the works of God might be displayed in" each of us.
Keith
Not that I can relate to your medical issues...BUT the idea of people trying to find *reasons* for events in lives...I TOTALLY get. I've got a few *events* in my life that people want to find *reasons* for....
& ditto the *hell* rant...
Nice....Very nice...
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