Four years ago today, I couldn't sleep. I sat in my rocking chair listening to a rare Phoenix thunderstorm and contemplating the last hours that I would ever hold a babe inside of me. It had been a long road of attempting to get and stay pregnant. At 3:30 am, we headed to the hospital for labor augmentation. In the last moments of pushing, I remember putting my hands on my huge belly. "Are you saying goodbye?" my mother half laughed, half whispered.

"I think maybe I'm saying hello," I replied. And then he was here.









Three years ago, I was exhausted from round after round of speech, physical, oral motor, and occupational therapy visits and trips to doctors. I was lost and confused as a mommy and had started to blog to work through things in my head. I loved him but his infancy was one of the hardest things I had ever survived (so I thought at the time). Being a fourth time mother to this little person taught me more about living (and parenting) in grace and compassion than any book or conference could.





Two years ago today, I had two rounds of chemotherapy left to complete. I wasn't sure that this wasn't the last birthday I'd see him have. Taking care of an active toddler (note the fractured leg) while in such a physically depleted state would have been impossible alone. Two years ago,

he and his brother and sisters gave me a reason to get up every day. They forced me to learn to ask for help. As our family gathered around that day, I remember feeling so grateful that even if I wasn't around for his next birthday, there would be so many people to love him. I became a more thankful mommy that year.

One year ago today, I thought the hard times were behind us. I was wrong. Job loss and house flooding ensued, but this little one never missed a beat. Of all of us, he was ever ebullient, ever trusting , ever ready to hop up in my my lap and "snuddle". In his third year, he helped me learn to rejoice always. I'm a more joyful mommy because of him.




Today, he's a "live out loud" kid who's never met someone who is not his "friend". We'll take treats to his beloved preschool class and meet friends for his McParty. If I'm lucky, we'll lay down for nap together (he taught me how to do that as well!) We'll make his favorite mac'n'cheese for dinner, and my some miracle of logistics, will all be able to sit down and celebrate him for a little while this evening. Today, because of him, I'm a woman whose heart is full to overflowing and who has tears streaming down her face as she types.

Happy Birthday, Little Guy.